


A Glimmer of Light Flickers In

by asphodelknox



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Grief, Loss, Lost Parent, M/M, Recovery, Sorrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-09 05:30:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asphodelknox/pseuds/asphodelknox
Summary: All Louis wants is to feel light again. Harry helps.





	A Glimmer of Light Flickers In

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: 847. The longing for a day with no pain
> 
> When I first got this prompt, I wasn't sure how much I'd like the story I'd write for it. However, I surprised myself and I hope you fall in love with this story as much as I did.
> 
> Many, many, many, many thanks to my Betas: [Vivi](http://hlficpraise.tumblr.com/) and [India](https://indiaalphawhiskey.tumblr.com/). Thanks for showing me that this story wasn't just a bad idea and is actually a good piece of writing. You girls are gems.
> 
>   **Disclaimer:** This is a work of fiction with mature and/or explicit content that is not suitable for readers under the age of 18. I absolutely do not condone minors reading this work of fiction and encourage anyone underage to stop reading immediately. Thank you.
> 
> Enjoy the story!

**Day One**  

All Louis could feel through his smothering tears was breathless dark.

 

**Day Three**

“Lou?” Louis could feel someone gently shaking his shoulder. Strong hands, a calm voice, reached down and pulled him out of the depths of sleep. He groaned and squished his eyes closed tighter. He could tell they were swollen, dry and crusty from hours of crying, by himself and with his sisters. He tried not to cry too much when they were around. But it had created a bit of solidarity amongst him and his siblings, this horrific thing hovering over them. 

“Louis.” The voice said again and it was the voice, the familiarity, the kindness, that had him slowly opening his eyes, blinking hard despite the lack of light in his bedroom. Harry’s face came into focus, his green eyes wet and ringed with red. Louis felt for a moment that he should be surprised. Somehow, despite everything, he wasn’t. 

Louis swallowed and his mouth felt dry. “Hi, Haz.” He closed his eyes again and sighed, feeling Harry lean over him on the bed and kiss his temple. Warmth and light spread through Louis’s body from where Harry had kissed him. “When did you get here?” His mouth felt dry, and his whole face felt stiff as he asked the question.

His first question probably should have been  _ why _ was Harry here, but in Louis’s grief-addled brain, he didn’t find it in him to care. Harry was  _ here _ , with him. That’s all that mattered. 

“I got in last night. Lottie let me in and told me you were sleeping. She asked me to check on you this morning.” He was still close, resting his hand on Louis’s bicep and looking everything like an angel. He had a cup of tea in his other hand. Louis was grateful for his sister’s strength and her ability to still be friends with his ex-boyfriend.  

Louis nodded, taking in a deep breath that hurt his whole body. Harry was here. He didn’t know why, but something in Harry’s eyes told him that it was ok.

“Do you want anything, Lou?” Harry asked gently, rubbing Louis’s back and talking in his typical slow drawl, his face close to Louis’s. “Tea? A beer? I can make you breakfast?” 

Louis shook his head and made grabby hands at Harry. “Cuddle.” He said weakly. Harry hummed, set his mug on the nightstand, and slid behind Louis to envelope him in his long, lanky limbs. 

It had been almost two years since they had been this close. A year and a half since Louis had seen Harry in any context, let alone one that would induce cuddling. They hadn’t talked until two days ago when the world decided to implode around him, shattering one of the most beautiful, perfect things he’d ever had. Harry had called him, sat in silence with him as Louis cried over the phone. They had said goodbye and Louis hadn’t known he would wake up to Harry a few days later as if he had been there all along.

Harry’s arms wrapped around him completely, with an ease that shouldn’t have existed considering how long they’d been apart. But Louis didn’t care about their past right now. Nothing had felt as good or as essential as Harry’s arms around him. For the first time in over a year, he felt a semblance of peace. 

Harry kissed his temple again, then his ear, then his jaw, and Louis felt the other man rest his forehead against his cheek. “I’m not leaving you this time, Lou. I want to be back.” He sighed. “I’m here to be back. With you, if you’ll have me.” 

It was quiet, so quiet that if Harry’s mouth hadn’t been so close to Louis’s ear, he probably wouldn’t have heard. But he did hear. And finally, finally, a glimmer of light flickered in through the dark. The glimmer triggered his heart and his heart triggered his tear ducts and he found himself, for what felt like the millionth time, crying. 

Louis thought he had finally cried out everything he could, but every day something new was there to trigger him. The first day it was walking to his mother’s room to wake her up before the littles cannonballed their way in for cuddles only to find her bed empty. The second day it was pulling her favorite tea out of the cupboard and realizing since no one else in the house liked it, she’d never be around to finish it. 

Louis had already had enough of loss. He had experienced something similar when Harry had moved out. Rolling over the first morning to find the other side of the bed unnaturally cold. Reaching for his favorite mug for tea only to realize that half the mugs were gone. Coming home to a cold kitchen without Harry dancing around while he made dinner. 

The days without Harry had been long and lonely and when his mother told him she had cancer, he was sure his lungs had collapsed. It was only the beginning of days and days of watching her diminish without his other half by his side. He hadn’t felt at peace or calm or even well-rested in almost a year.

The hiatus had been Harry’s idea. Louis suspected it was in part because of his mother. Even after they split up, Harry still took care of Louis, somehow. The hiatus was meant to be relaxing, to refocus all of them, to give them a break. 

So far for Louis, the hiatus had been riddled with sorrow. And plenty of tears.

Now he was crying because the first person he would have talked to about what Harry had just said, about how long he’d waited to hear it, about how relieved he felt to have his boy  _ back _ , was gone. And she would have been the happiest of all for her two favorite boys. 

Louis wiped his eyes, hiccuping. “I want you back too, Haz.” His voice broke, and he had to pause in between words. He rolled over to face Harry, who was looking at him with tenderness and uncertainty in his eyes. “I’ve always wanted you back.” 

Harry leaned down and kissed his forehead. “Good.” 

Louis wasn’t entirely sure how he was able to stand on stage and sing his first solo song that night with Steve. He was sure, however, that seeing Harry and Niall and Liam backstage gave him courage. Knowing a kiss from Harry was waiting for him when he got back home gave him fortitude.

 

**Day Eight**

Louis smiled softly, feeling Harry’s lips graze the area just behind his ear. Harry set two cups of tea down on the table in between the patio chairs and draped a blanket over Louis, tucking it around him before giving him a kiss on the forehead and settling into the unoccupied chair. Louis rested his head on his fist and watched Harry curl up under a blanket, settling in with his leather notebook in his lap. 

Louis lifted the tea and took a sip thinking through the week. Harry being with him had somehow made everything easier. Having Harry back in his bed helped him sleep better. Seeing Harry walk around the house, interacting with his sisters, making dinner for everyone, soothing a distressed Doris when she couldn’t find mum, entertaining Ernest so Lottie and Fizzy could sleep. He had slid back into the Tomlinson household like he’d never been gone.

Harry had woken him with a fresh cup of tea every morning since he’d arrived, exactly as Louis liked it. It had become a ritual of some sorts, and this morning, for the first time since Harry had arrived, Louis had woken up first. He’d let Harry sleep and slid out of bed onto the patio. It was December and freezing, but Louis wanted to be outside. He grabbed his notebook and sat in the cold to write a bit. 

His mother had told him under no uncertain terms was he allowed to stop making music. He had wanted to, he had wanted to never touch an instrument or think up song lyrics ever again. But two days before she died, she had turned to him and told him that her final wish for him was to keep doing what he loved. 

He was never the type of son to say no to his mother. 

So once Harry coaxed him out of bed and onto the couch, snuggled with Daisy, he pulled out his notebook and started to write. Random lines, wordplay, the things he loved about his mother. Anything and everything that came to mind. He thought he would hate it. 

Instead, he found it therapeutic.

And Harry helped. They would sit in bed together with ankles woven together, throwing lyrics back and forth, noting rhythms and rhymes. Harry would read novels and Louis would read the friendly tweets from fans, friends, and family.  _ Just Hold On _ was a success. People loved it, couldn’t get enough of it. 

Harry couldn’t stop talking about how proud he was. How strong Louis was. Whenever he started to go on a little Louis rave (as Lottie called them), Louis would hum bars from  _ Strong _ , at which point Harry would pull him close and kiss him in funny places just to try and make him smile. 

“You know, I’m going to Jamaica in a few months to write and record my album,” Harry said, sipping his tea and glancing at Louis. “You should come with me.” 

Louis raised his eyebrows. “Jamaica?”

Harry nodded, one stray curl that hadn’t made it into his bun bobbing alongside his face. “We’ve got to get away. And I know you’re not going to be doing any promo then or anything so it might be nice for us to get away.”

Louis hummed. “It would be.” Harry’s hand rested on his knee and he grasped Harry’s fingers in his own. “I’d like that.” 

Harry smiled. No dimples, not yet. But Louis could sense that they were close. Maybe soon he’d get to see those beloved dimples. Maybe they’d help him feel like smiling in the way that crinkled his eyes the way Harry liked so much. 

 

**Day Seventeen**

Louis woke up on his twenty-fifth birthday, not to kisses from Harry like he’d expected, but to four little children cannonballing on top of him and Harry, Lottie and Fizzy following them closely, carrying piles of presents, a tray of breakfast goodies, and giggling immensely. 

It wasn’t until after the commotion of good mornings, and happy birthdays, and hugs round the neck, and Daisy presenting him with a glittery pinecone, and Fizzy telling everyone to be careful about the teapot, that he felt a gentle kiss on the cheek from Harry. 

“Happy birthday, Lou,” Harry whispered in his ear. Louis glanced over and for the first time in seventeen days felt happy tears coming on. Ernest was sitting in Harry’s lap, sucking his thumb and looking wide-eyed at everyone around him. Daisy was lying on her stomach, resting her chin on his knee, Phoebe, Lottie, and Fizzy were leaning against the backboard, and Doris crawled into Louis’s lap, kissed him on the cheek, and plopped down against his stomach. 

“Dan will be up in a minute. He said he was just getting the rest of your birthday present.” Lottie said. Louis nodded and blushed a little. 

The missing face made his heart ache with sadness, but looking around, seeing the faces of his sisters, his brother, Harry, made him feel less remorseful and more grateful. They were all here, alive, fairly happy considering the circumstances, and celebrating him and his birthday. He wasn’t sure if it made him grateful or if it made him miss his mother even more. Probably both. 

Harry rested his chin on Louis’s shoulder while the others talked amongst themselves and Fizzy and Lottie passed out pastries and poured tea. “You know she’s here, right?” He said it gently, so only Louis could hear. 

He rested his temple on Harry’s forehead. “Yeah.” He replied. “I know.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr [here](https://iamasphodelknox.tumblr.com/) and share the Masterpost for the story [here](https://iamasphodelknox.tumblr.com/post/161451716289/title-a-glimmer-of-light-flickers-in-author) if you like it!
> 
> This fic was written as part of an ongoing challenge. We each select random numbers and are given a specific emotion from the book 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names. To read the other fics written in this challenge, click [here](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/ShortFic_Challenge_For_Which_There_Is_No_Name/works), or you can find the masterpost on tumblr [here](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/159679804243/1000-feelings-for-which-there-are-no-names-prompt).


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